The Circle is Round...

When I try to make some changes in and within myself, people around me feel awkward about me.

Hmmm…!!

The past 9 months or so was a difficult one for me. Life has put me to the maximum test that could ever take or face it. Having my self-confidence crushed, getting sucked into what I think is depression, nor that I got it diagnosed but I had to take the whole feeling of emptiness, hoping all this will end for me or maybe I was generally lack of enthusiasm.

To add sum to all these was the biggest question to myself on life choices, I’ve made and not really having any idea of how I could make things better was not easy.

So, as my birthday came in April, I thought I could make some changes and all went screwed up for me. I am 36 and I still don’t control my life. When everyone wants to be part of my life, I can’t move forward, I don’t have the freedom to move at my own choice. People want to make the choice for me or they take over my choice and make there is better than mine.

Sometimes, I do not understand why they need to as they themselves have their own lives to figure and manage. I am bold and old enough to face any consequences and choose what I want to do in my life.

Life is about success and not necessarily about success in a career by making money and living happily. No one can live happily every day, life is not perfect. Life is to enjoy every aspect and face every challenge that comes in its own time and way.

I want to be who I am, the chatty, friendly person. People get attracted to me as I talk, I have mastered an art of talking to people without really thinking much about myself. I make friends randomly, some do stay longer and some are just “Hi” and “bye”. I find interacting with strangers is a lot easier when I don’t have to reveal myself.

Comes from being an extreme extrovert, and I’m totally alright with that. Even when I might act little differently, I’m reminded that I will always be the awkward, reserve and weird at times. If I am lucky, I make the true connection.

This does not necessarily mean you will be BFF’s, it just means that in the short time you spend the time together will make some differences in your life.

There is a chance you learn something new, valuable and you might also make memories that will put a smile on your face even if you don’t meet them often, though sometimes you even keep contact for years to come and after all, it is the times of social media.

It feeds your soul with happiness as you meet and make new friends, builds connections that were lost within you and your soul. It changes you to be a better person than drowning you deeper into your own depression.

My soul has been emptied too long, and travel, reading, meeting new people, photography, art, trekking or hiking feeds it. It reminds me that there is so much more beauty in this world to see rather than depriving myself to a limitation of what others may want or what they feel is good for me rather than I have my choices to brighten my life and live up to it.

So many experiences to live through and it keeps me alive. I want to live my life the way I want positively and focus to achieve things I have on my bucket list.