Earn or Yearn!

Until very recently , I was expecting at least this year , I will have my very own Valentine.But things turn out to be sour again with not much chances.

"I can't quantify what I'm looking for, indeed "I always just fell in love." with a man I see at first glance than I tend to dream till its fades.As these are dream which will not materialize in this world.

But my aunt was right. It was the day when she asked me to write down what I was looking for in a guy, it took me all of three minutes to give a detailed description of more than fifty characteristics which I was seeking with specifically from hobbies to personal characteristic ! Even if I've written a list, I'd clearly kept it in a mental file. No wonder it was so hard to find my dream guy—I'd actually dreamed him up but not valuing the right one between the material world and my list.

The problem with the mental list is that, I do realized it now is that it's hard to translate the bullet points into a realistic. The fact is you can't make a list that doesn't either oversimplify or take things out of context. For instance, even if I make a list of qualities you want, they aren't all weighted equally (is height as important as honesty?), and with many qualities that I want, it's not like people have them or they don't. Often, they have some degree of that quality—like sense of humor or financial stability—which may not be exactly what I had in my mind when I wrote it down.

Lists are also confusing because they're about qualities of a man as independently—they don't account for the qualities the he had not been a relationship before ,he may be the right age, have the right sense of humor, and have the right job or the opposite of each, but what is he going to be like when he's with me? 
How am I going to feel when I'm with him? 
Would I get along well? 
None of this can be captured on paper , this is what I realized when I went through  my first relationship.He was everything on my list and the mental list. But came to relationship the mental list nor my list could not be applied.

And that was the problem. How did I know if I was being too picky or if the guy just wasn't right for me?  When I realized this and instead of focusing on my "wants" on my mental list, rather I should focus on my "needs" and then see if some of the wants were there to be applied for a relationship or life companion.

The difference between 'needs' and 'wants' is crucial. If I have fourteen 'needs,' it means that if a guy has thirteen of the fourteen qualities, he's gone! And even if he's most of these things, I have to remember that a lot of good qualities flip over and become bad qualities. Someone highly intelligent and analytical can also be opinionated and a know-it-all. Someone easy-going may have no opinions or be lazy." My mind and thoughts are working now to apply this theory into place.

What I was looking for all the while is the quality and not the quantity. The need where there and the wanted blocked my needs from me, as mental list triggered.

What I want isn't necessarily good for me though .And in going after the person I may think I want, I tend to ignore what I really need."

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It's true. After all, sometimes our desires even contradict themselves: I want someone with strong opinions... who never argues. I want someone who's spontaneous and adventures...understand me very well and is always supports my decisions.Not only that we advices and guides into the life further.

Needs, on the other hand, go like this:

You want someone creative.

You need someone you can trust.

You want someone who shares your love of music.

You need someone who appreciates some of your interests.

You want someone who is physically active.

You need someone who accepts you even if you let your body go.

Using this as a guideline, I was able to narrow down my list to three essential needs: intellectually curious, kid-friendly, and financially stable.

Obviously, these weren't the only qualities I would be looking for in a partner, but they would be the only basis.

"In all these years I've had this job I've never gone dating or, to see someone. Yet I continue to ask, notebook in hand: How do people know with such certainty that their person is the one? 
Or do they not know and just decide?"
I find it difficult to compromise with all my noted lists and reality. 

We should not yearn for love and earn the love.....