My Story About Love

Since today is Valentines day, I had a thought of Love and how I in my own opinion was looking at the wrong picture all about LOVE.

LOVE is one of the best things in the world to give and certainly to receive.

It is hard not have any expectations of love. We see the love between our parents from an early age and that defines a big aspect of love for us.

Then there are songs written about love, lyrics that describe every emotion available when it comes to being or not being in love. 

Movies depict love in all its magic and wonder, along with its anguish, pain and grief. 

Books, love novels describe fairy tale love of prince charming and a happily ever after ending. 

With all this information filed away, it is not surprising that we grow up subconsciously conditioned to associate love with certain things and expect people in love to behave in a certain way.

Falling in love is undeniably as it is one of the best feelings in this world and making the experience one of the most important aspects of love although it may be a tiny part of the big picture that we think of love.

We want the excitement, adventure and desire of love but we also crave for the stability, safety and comfort of love.

They lie at the opposite ends of the spectrum and some might say one cannot exist in the presence of another. For example, the thrill of love if there is lack of security in love.

So there lies the eternal question that many of us debate; Do we have to give one up in order to have the other? Love makes us to choose between security of love and love itself.

Everyone says communication in a relationship is important but they sometimes forget to mention, I’m talking about the importance of communication when you are angry, when you don’t feel like talking or when there is a problem.

Examples,problems arise in our work, we automatically grit our teeth, put in as many hours or as much work needed to try to find a solution. We don’t give up or we find alternatives to solve the issues.

So, technically, when there is a problem in a relationship, there is no reason why we cannot be as determined to solve it as we do work problems. Instead, we get increasingly frustrated and lament if we “really need this” in our lives.

When does work become something we really need and relationships something we can so easily give up on?

Perhaps expectation plays a big part in this. When we enter the workforce, we do it with the mind-set that it will be fraught with challenges and that success can be obtained if we do not give up.

Therefore, our ability to handle work and relationship problems can be the same but the way we end up managing both can be quite different.

Some might need to have experienced from past relationships in order for him or her to have a better version of the current relationship. But to those without an experience of the past might grit to be patience and work hard to solve it.

Some may need to go through the ups and downs of a relationship, to evaluate and re-evaluate the definition of love in order to be less selfish and more giving which is possible is they could put the ego’s away for a moment and look deeper into the relationship.

If only I knew the difference between before marriage and after marriage clearly, it will make a difference in understanding the concept of a trust and respect in a marriage.

Yet before marriage, I am only involved to one self of me but if it’s after marriage, I am committed to oneself and the other.I believe after marriage we should not act like a perfect married couple just because we were married and we have to behave like those married couples.

Why not we behave like being single people who just enjoy each other’s company, be childish and playful to each another, going out and having a great time together, more involvement than being in the strict married life.

Why should we ever change the attitude after marriage which puts us in a strict involvement and our understanding changes towards each another? We create borders for our own self and expect the other half to follow. 

What matters is end of the day is how I behave and react in a relationship filled with love and least expectations?

And that, as I have discovered, is a big part of the magic of love when you can simply enjoy being together and understand each another. I slowly realized that it does not really matter what love is or isn’t.

My aunt and her married life with her husband has been a great inspiration to me after the mess of my marriage. Their love and understanding for each another is not by the flawless or imperfection but their true love of accepting each another as they are and the kindness of love they have for each another.

What is love, I learnt from her? Love maybe I have it all wrong all these years in my life.

I can say when we love someone for their looks, their intelligence, their character or even their dress sense. What we love about those things is how they make me feel, and to me now, presently it is not love? The feeling for these will make me change sooner when my expectation are not met.

What if that expectation of what I feel and loved were permanently gone?

What if the “loved” one becomes immobile and loses his smile, lose their intellect or even the ability to dress smart as you expected?

Will you ever stop loving them? This actually hit my head hard and makes me rethink about love.

When I analysed the marriage life I had, to me it was love and the other side was love with lots of expectation. A conscious choice to love is the decision to be kind, compassionate, affectionate, respectful and understanding towards someone and not judging them.

And the more you love them for who they are, the more you care and be kind to be more patience. So even if the things they were that made you feel love for them weren’t there, it’s your choice to love them that counts.

If they expect more than what you show them and then it’s not worth loving them, because the perception of love is not what love is meant.At the end of the day, what matters most is how one behaves and reacts in a relationship.

Love is pure and it should be secured all the time. That's what I think.