Changeling


The change has finally struck me in the face.People around me change there are not same as I knew them yesterday or I will remember them tomorrow.
The responsibility in me is trying to dominate over the carelessness of life I face daily. The inner child of me has gone into hibernation for long time, might be waiting to be woken up at the right moment and as a strange woman who I'm not very familiar with is steering in my life. Maturity, as some would call it is a very strange thing I’m dwelling in me past few years. Every year passes and am still dwelling within myself to live life as I should.

I've become a victim of everyday chores and common chores. So many things have changed around me and within me too. I might be lacking in what am I missing but I’m not that bad of not knowing myself indeed.

The days will just pass by as time flies, desperately for Friday and waiting for the weekends that are moment ever waited over the 5 days. Weekends with fun and catching up with family and friends , and then mumbling how the weekend flew by and I couldn't do anything because, the thought of a dreadful Monday morning is all that my head holds when Sunday comes.

I'm definitely sane enough to realize that work is just work and not such a big deal; but then why does it seem like such a big deal and hinder all other activities? I only moan endlessly about how I have no time to go out and if I do, blame it on my slouchiness.
At times I get worried, when I think that I've lost the ability to write my thought are lost. I no longer have the patience to read a book at a stretch. My passion is shorter and the most trivial of things seem to set me off.

It is true; I do miss the freedom of doing things at random, the enthusiasm and the undying hope that once existed. I'm left to chase more practical dreams and forced to hold back all the ridiculous ones for practicality which I must say can be implemented if I am given the confidence. I do dare to dream, but do not carry them out for the fear of being ridiculed. I do not put up an awkward intention with those around me because I do not want to be branded childlike, which happens occasionally as the difference of my character and behavior could be accepted.
What has life gotten me into? Is this what I wanted? It’s kind of upsetting how, what I was chasing as my dream has changed my entire perception of living. It is hard to conclude whether this is for the better or not; it is just too short to live to decide at the moment.

But it is true that I do miss life that was with all of its randomness and spontaneity. Maybe this is what they call maturity

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