D' Musing Thoughts...

2017 has been the most challenging year for me that made me much bolder, matured and quieter. Life is not easy but if you stay with the right people, life would be much peaceful and happy. Thank you 2017, for all the lessons learnt, tears wiped and laughter of happiness.

When I try to make some changes in and within myself, people around me feel awkward about me. Hmmm…!! The past 9 months or so was a difficult one for me. Life has put me to the maximum test that could ever take or face it. Having my self-confidence crushed, getting sucked into what I think is depression, nor that I got it diagnosed but I had to take the whole feeling of emptiness, hoping all this will end for me or maybe I was generally lack of enthusiasm. To add sum to all these was the biggest question to myself on life choices, I’ve made and not really having any idea of how I could make things better was not easy. So, as my birthday came in April, I thought I could make some changes and all went screwed up for me. I am 36 and I still don’t control my life. When everyone wants to be part of my life, I can’t move forward, I don’t have the freedom to move at my own choice. People want to make the choice for me or they take over my choice and make there is better than...

Illairaja...Raja...Maestro...Musician...Isai Gyani(Yaani)..! What was he...a genius...a musician...a composer....an intelligent man. Music is universe...music is the rhythm...music is God Every beat...drums...strings...hums... Raaja the One Man Show... The Show He is a genius who as explored and ventures into different types music his whole life. But is a proven King of Music. I have been his fan since young , then as I grew older to like his music better and till now, the memories of my childhood are embedded in his pieces of music. He is one of the greatest musicians of all time to me. I must say, I really felt blessed to be able to watch, hear and enjoy this great man play his music and sing live. One of my lifetime dreams has come true. There were so many goosebumps moments throughout the show and my mind just floated away with every song played. My soul has always been connected to his music that holds all my childhood moments.The way his music c...

I just come to accept that my life wouldn't have this ordinary when something extra unexpected things begins to happen. The first of these unexpected incidents that came by which has changed everything around me forever. I had to split my life into halves of Before and After. Growing up easily wasn't has may I have thought when I was young. I never expected so much in life but this is life and that can't be changed. Instead things happens and that changes everything for me and around me. So how was it growing up without knowing what is waiting for me ahead. When I was a kid I always thought what is ahead of me the future and when there were movies like Star Trek and Back to Future, these made me realize they could be world that we are not living in now. Imaginations were what I grew up with, imagining things and having imaginary friends and places to play. Though I never thought some were true enough to believe now. When I was young, I use to play with my ...

Hi Friend, As we grow older everything changes around us. I know how you feel when you cribe within yourself. Sometimes the feel of someone we need to talk or cry over. Now things are not same, if a single women cries no one is there to wipe her tears. The only ones are mothers she can expect.  I have had many turning points in my life, so much that I hated everything around and started to ask questions to myself....why is that so? The answer is same...people change...everything else changes but am still the same. Sometimes we cant accept the facts of life....our ego...feelings....thoughts....cannot be changed. I have learnt to look at things differently indeed I have learnt to let go.I have learnt not to hold on to something very close veey long either. I am 36 now and my mom is 62. I only realize and getting closer with her now. Eventhough she and I always argue or never get along because of our differences in thoughts and opinions. She is a woman with a will power and still...

In conjunction with  Shantanand festival of Arts, by Temple of Fine Arts which collaborated together during our 60th National Day for this year celebrating Independence through arts. "Under the Kayon Tree" was an original composition with some elements of dances and theatre narrated by Shantini Venugopal. The theatre musical show unfolds about the Malaysian legends and folktales of Parameswara, Hang Tuah, Hang Li Po, and Mahsuri in this spectacular performances. The Legends came to life under the compositions by an award-winning composer Jyotsna Nithyanandan on an enchanted Sunday evening. Ankur, as what Jyotsna described in her interview was a word from Sanskrit meaning "sprout". The seeds have cultured in various languages, cultures, traditions, and ethics into a strong tree with a beautiful truly Malaysians. We all came from different seeds but we all grew into one big tree and we stay as one true Malaysian. I've not been to any of the Temple of F...

The woman I don’t know in myself… I could be a woman who wears with her the heart on her sleeves, or a woman who chooses very carefully about who I love. I could be the woman who is absolutely free with who she is, or a woman who is always on guard with whom she shares her thoughts with. I could also be the woman who chooses a career over a man or a woman who always puts herself first ahead of anything else in life. Whoever I am, whatever I do, one thing is for certain, I am powerful, indestructible, determined, passionate in whatever I do. However, I choose to live my life, a strong woman doesn’t let her past define her, she doesn’t let her present define her either. Instead she defines her future. I don’t let the life change me. I am a strong tree that doesn’t let any storms to up root and damage my strength. I may resilient through trials and triumphs of life, but I would never let it shift of whom I am. I am made of the toughest of time, and yet I still stand tall a...

Being single is nothing to be fear off, unlikely it’s like a peaceful life I would say. It’s mostly about loving myself and letting myself know that I am truly not alone. It’s time I can get connected to myself and my soul, to find the self-hidden within myself. Being single doesn’t mean I am a social misfit! If anything, that indicates I am single, I am truly dedicated to my personal growth – figuring out exactly who I am before coupling up for a long haul. I am incredibly happy just by the way who I am and this time to celebrate “I” above all. So, what does make me happy, whether just that am sitting on my couch and watching my favourite new addiction Games of Thornes in repeating all seasons or taking a drive to catch the sunsets in evening. This is my life, and my life only as I am old enough to make my decisions I am 36 for god sake. Forget all the silly dating rules which never happens to me as I didn’t make any efforts either, what it means to be “talking” to someo...

I am proud to drape saree around me as it is my traditional wear. I just love sarees, the vibrant colours, designs and different feel of textures. Did you know, the Saree carry their own tales since they were weaved and designed. If only Sarees can talk obviously they could tell their stories and the richness that is held in them. There is an art to wear saree and also there is an art to carry yourself while wearing a saree. The Saree doesn't choose the size of your body, but has it's draped around your body that is what makes the Saree to stand out. Draping the 6 yard length material around you with some pleats here and there itself is a ancient old profound design. A 6 yard that is not stitched, no zips , nor buttons or hook but just a long cloths full of richness of itself. My grandmother wore saree on her whole life. I remember seeing my grandmother emerging after her bath having already changed into her inner long skirt known as "pavadai" and wears a random...

Inking your skin, not many would like that idea of it. The general word is known as TATTOO! I finally decided to ink my skin, something I have been waiting for sometime and very soon I am going to get one. Once it's done will post on the after inking episode. Now is the pre-inking episode in creating the design. Let me see what I can think off, I want a lotus represents calm and peace. From my back to the shoulder. I share the idea with one of my friend and she told me to go for it, as it would be sexy. Frowning my eyes, sexy...hmmmm!!!! I have never thought a tattoo could be sexy! But anyways am gonna get one soon, I have to finalize on the design as it's gonna be a lifetime mark on my skin. I will post once a design has been confirmed.

Do you know Saree is one of the oldest and perhaps the only surviving non stitched material from the past.Though, over the century Saree fashion has also evolved to more sensuous, glamourous all time wear for Indian women. Through centuries have passed since the Saree was conceived as the Indian's woman's hereditary costume. Saree has a unique charm, extra-ordinary beautiful feminine attire suited to all ages of girls, ladies and woman. Saree are actually weaved, But in this new decade of technology, designing Saree has evolved too from traditional weaving to machine made.But though, it does not hold the history as what the older method holds. Today, the history of Saree is lost. The original old weaving of Saree acquired unique names of the places where it was created. Desiging Saree is very intrigued method of the motifs, designs, hand painted, detailed work, and colours. There are variety of handloomed specially carries a story with them. Sarees, there are many ty...

No matter how much we have gone through the toughest life problems or situations in some instances but we'd love to believe we are progressive and modern. Though our patriarchal mindset still look at a woman of a marriageable age as a commodity which needs to be tied down. I think this happens in all religion who are still sitting inside the tiny box of life. I was having a conversation with my aunt in US, she was asking about my life and as we were talking, we ended up talking about traditions, beliefs and believes.Tradition are set up to benefit the male species, so why would rock that boat but now the traditions have long gone...but still some people are sticking on to it, beliefs are different, but some superstitious beliefs and traditions need to change though. Don't let anyone dictate what your life should be, what you do in your life is how you create your life story so others can read, but they do not have the rights to amend it for you unless they give a piece o...

Practicality of me and my senses. Hmmm.....inevitable me! I have not been writing constantly for this whole year, whatever I have posted on each every month were just a scheduled post randomly to post itself on that very date and time. I think, I should keep a flow of writing on and let me see if I could at least write 2 posts a month if possible as my mind could think off. When I write and think of writing, I spend more time of thinking back at different experiences I've had in my life. Can be any sort of something in my life, not necessarily always the negative part but the positive.  Alright, my mind and brain will work together tremendously which never happened during the days I needed to do my thesis or project nor to study to get my degree, these failed me very badly to work together though when I needed them desperately. So my writing is getting better as my both mind and brains are active, and when I start to think in part by part scenes on how to get a st...

Life has thought me so much about my life itself. Living my life as I wish would be the last wish I can make in my life though. Why? Because, my life is being shared to many and by many in my family. So, if I want to make a decision, I can't make it by myself without anyone consent. But, why again ? This is how I have grew, growing up in a big family with grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins and than parents. Some may say it is so orthodox, but family bonding is the best and only thing we Hindu's/Indian/Tamilans were thought about. I am a Hindu born, grew up learning Tamil as my mother tongue and what they teach us is that "Matha(Mother), Pitha(Father), Guru(Teacher) & Deivam(God) are the highest souls to be respected. Parents are my guardian, teacher thought  me to know the world better with my parents guidance and God as the protector who has guided the light of life for me. Life is a lesson to everyone and has thought many lessons too. Life, indeed ...

We have all experienced difficulties with our life, especially difficult relationships with loved ones can be hard to heal. But there is a time that we need to wait for it to heal. You need the patience within your soul and the calmness in your mind. Looking at all that is happening around me, at times I hit a question to myself. I do ask myself, why and how. Is it part of my life that I have to go through something and work myself out of it. Life is truly very challenging to live in for. Sometimes, I just wonder if all of it are just for a matter of time only or are these part of the my life forever. Life gives and makes wonders for me, unexpectedly but nevertheless the same old shit happens again and I can never avoid it. Why such so ? I do ask myself all the time, questions booms in my head like the stars going around or sometimes I see a cloud pops above my head with a "?" mark. I know too much of imaginations....even at my problem I am creative,..giggling...

I remember when I first got attracted to books when someone donated books to amma for me and brothers. In that set there were Nancy Drews and National Geography magazines. Nancy Drew new for me series of set. I loved reading them and also borrowed the books which I didn't have from the school library. I remember "The Wishing Chair" my first ever Enid Blyton book - a chair that would transport the characters to dreamlike places as it had and could fly. Adventure of the wishing chair is a true delight for me exploring the world with pixies and goblins Mollie and Peter accidentally find a wishing chair in an old shop they wanted to buy their mother a birthday presents and from there starts the enchanted journey of the pixies,goblins, fairies, witches, magicians and going through charmed places like the Land of Dreams, The Land of Goodies, the Land of Toys.  Indeed this is how I got connected to books. It all started with a Wishing Chair to a Banana Ro...

90’s were my yesterday years of childhood, I grew up in that era which was the best thing in my life. So many memories that I can still share with all my friends we all grew in that very same years. There are difference between the kids today and kids of the 90’s, if I look back into the year I grew up learning by watching cartoons. They kind of cartoons I used to watched in my younger age and today’s cartoons are so different. Cartoons are not bad of course, but the 90’s are known as the golden age of cartoon shows for many reasons. For those who grew up during the 90’s, our evenings were filled with brilliant cartoon shows that we wait for the whole day just to watch them for 30 minutes. In Malaysia, the local TV only plays the the cartoons from 5pm till 6pm in weekdays where else over the weekend is just in the mornings from 8.30am - 9.30am. These are few of the cartoons I have listed that I grew up watching them in the evenings and weekend mornings. Top Cat – feline ...

Ushered New Year with family as usual and this time we celebrated by not watching fireworks. Indeed we celebrated with strangers in a restaurant. It was fun to wish everyone of them in the restaurant , we had lots of fun and good food. We took lots of pictures that were so memorable too. Sometime and every time, New Year seems to be different for me. So coming to the usual question of what is your resolution for this year. I have not had any resolution every year either it would not be accomplished or never was accomplished. So every year for me is to do something new that is not in any of my checklist or try to accomplish something that has been pending for something. For this year, I thought of something to do with myself and start focusing on something I like to do and like doing such as photography or reading. Obviously, this year I have started a new hobby on making silk thread earrings...and also selling them. Just a small business though. What else, I am looking forwa...